It was most the first time I was rendered speechless, and it didn't even deal with romantics. I was shook after lunch, and left walking around all shook. Come to my algebra 2 test I wasn't exactly ready for, but I manged through it, and found out it was only practice.
It was like everything academically went right that day, but socially I was falling apart. I get home, and then I'm on the phone with Paranoia. It wasn't anything special. Nothing beyond the usual. I keep my blockades up, as usual. But they eventually erode, 'specially 'cause I can't talk to her about my issues.
So, I hung up with her to proceed and do my homework. And I start to feel my throat close up and getting anxious again, which is something that happens all to often. I feel overwhelmed, and it's usually has to do with me not managing my time correctly.
But a friend of mine was acting ignorant, and using a racial slur that wasn't necessary at all for a picture comment. And I didn't feel like chillin' with someone who can act in a certain way in one breath and in the next talk to me, 'cause "I'm an exception". So I canceled. Said my cousin Sandals was coming in, lmfaoo. But then he started to ignore me, and it was just whatever. Another mistake that's my fault.
Get into an argument with my dad, which was slightly heated. He tried me on the meaning of premeditated, and just other stuff that was draining.
I fill my mom in on what happened, and then I inquired when I could get my new phone, and even though it was something so insignificant, but it was the catalyst. The Palm Pre was something I've been looking forward too for so long. And when she said a year, I was distraught. All of the times I sacrificed was just in vain, but it was whatever.
Just in general, I've been having days where I feel defeated, but I just have to keep a stiff upper lip is all.
Try my hardest not to scream
I find my heart is growing weak
So leave your reasons on the bathroom sink
-- Maroon 5
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